Your Friend is Getting Sued, Charlie Brown!
by WileE2005
Summary: A Peanuts spoof story I came up with back in high school, but haven't published here yet. Sally has had enough of Linus deceiving her with the Great Pumpkin, so she actually sues Linus and takes him to court!


YOUR FRIEND IS GETTING SUED, CHARLIE BROWN!

Written by Wile_E2005, based on the comic strips by Charles M. Schulz

It was Halloween night. Charlie Brown, Lucy, Schroeder, Peppermint Patty and Marcie ran into a closet, as Charlie Brown said, "Quick, let's get our costume on!" They went into the closet, and when they emerged, it appeared to be a tall man in a business suit, his head looking like Charlie Brown's with a wig. He oddly had two little feet out of each pant leg.

In the right leg, Lucy was holding up Schroeder, and she dreamily said, "Schroeder, you're right over me!"

Schroeder, who was acting as the right arm, replied angrily, "Forget it, Lucy."

"Sir, I'm getting cramps," Marcie, being the figure's left arm, complained to Peppermint Patty, who was under her. She answered, "Stop complaining, Marcie. And DON'T call me 'Sir!'"

A confused Charlie Brown asked, "Hey, where are Linus and Sally?"

"Where else?" Lucy told him.

In the nearby pumpkin patch, Linus Van Pelt was standing there with Sally. Linus was lecturing, "…and you'll see the 'Great Pumpkin' with your own eyes!"

Meanwhile, the costumed gang came up to a house, and all sang in unison, "Trick or treat!"

The two arms, holding all five trick or treat bags, got candy tossed in them. But they threw a rock into Charlie Brown's bag. When they walked off, Marcie pulled in her arm and checked Charlie's bag, and then reported, "Hey Chuck, you got a rock!"

The wigged Charlie Brown said miserably, "Every year it's always the same."

Back at the pumpkin patch, clouds began to block the moon. Sally, getting nervous, told Linus, "I'm scared. What if the 'Great Pumpkin' doesn't show up?" Linus, still excited about the "Great Pumpkin's" possible arrival, said, "Relax, he will."

Behind a big pumpkin, Snoopy was watching the two kids. He thought, _"Suckers… Little do they know that the 'Great Pumpkin' WILL come tonight!"_ He got out a suitcase that read "DISGUISES" on its front. Then the beagle began shaking the vines and leaves, making a loud rustling noise.

Linus heard the rustling and said, obviously surprised, "Sally, I hear the 'Great Pumpkin!'" "Finally!" Sally said, before she heard the rustling again. She and Linus huddled each other, a bit afraid.

Linus told Sally, "See? I KNEW he was real." Sally replied, "I'm sorry I doubted you, Sweet Baboo!"

Then it got really dark. Suddenly, without warning, a dark figure came up with a huge pumpkin head with a glowing, evil face! The "Great Pumpkin" laughed evilly. Sally and Linus screamed loudly together, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" The pumpkin figure continued cackling loudly, advancing slowly toward the figures, as Linus and Sally continued panicking and yelling. Linus finally fell over with a loud "BUMP!"

The clouds cleared up, and the pumpkin figure advanced away, revealing it was Snoopy wearing a pumpkin head! He giggled, and then Woodstock showed up and chirped angrily. Snoopy thought, _"That was the worst thing I've ever done?"_

Linus was still fainted. He then heard Sally's angry voice yell, "Linus! Wake up!"

He slowly opened his eyes to see Sally's angry face. Linus asked her wearily, "What presents did he bring us?"

Sally exploded, "I'VE BEEN RIPPED OFF AGAIN! I MISSED HALLOWEEN! You blockhead, you made me wait all night in the pumpkin patch waiting for the 'Great Pumpkin,' and that wasn't even the real him! I could have gone out for tricks or treats, and avoided this whole stupid thing!" Then she yelled her loudest, "I'LL SUE! And this time, I MEAN IT!"

The next day, at the courthouse, the kids were standing as the judge banged his gavel and said, "Mwa-mwa-mwaa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwaa-mwa-mwa."

All the kids sat, except for Peppermint Patty. Marcie told her, "Sit down, sir! Court's in session now."

Snoopy, who was Linus's attorney, growled and babbled in an unintelligible language, but Sally knew she was being called to the stand. " _I call Sally Brown to the stand._ "

Sally walked up to the stand, and Snoopy asked her something in his dog language. " _Do you swear to tell the truth, all truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?_ "

Sally raised her hand and swore to. Snoopy demanded in his growling and jabbering, " _Where were you on the night of October 31_ _st_?"

Sally began, "Where was I on the night of October 31st? Well, it's a long story, but here goes…" Ten minutes later, she finished.

Then when she returned to her seat, Lucy, whom acted as Sally's attorney for the case, said, "I call CHARLIE BROWN to the stand!"

Obviously shocked, Charlie Brown got up and said, "ME? But I had nothing to do with it." He pleaded on his knees yelling, "I throw myself at the mercy of the court!"

The judge banged his gavel and replied, "Mwa-mwa-mwa." Charlie Brown returned to his seat.

Then eventually, Linus got called to the stand. Lucy asked her young brother, "Do you swear to tell the truth, all truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?" Linus answered, raising his hand, "I do."

Snoopy thought, _"Here comes another long story…"_

Linus began, "Well, on Halloween night I invited Sally to see the 'Great Pumpkin.' You see, he rises out of the pumpkin patch on Halloween night. Then he flies through the air and brings toys to all the children in the world. Then it was cloudy, and I heard rustling in the bushes. Suddenly, the 'Great Pumpkin' actually rose out of the pumpkin patch! I fainted, and when I woke up, he was gone! Then Sally yelled at me, and now I'm here in the courtroom! Well, that's all."

The judge banged his gavel again and said, "Mwa-mwa-mwa! Mwa-mwaa-mwa-mwa mwa-mwa-mwa-mwaaa-mwa-mwa?"

Linus continued, "But it's true! On Halloween night in 2014, the 'Great Pumpkin' appeared in the pumpkin patch of Boots Rutman of Connecticut. If you don't believe me, look in the record. In 2015 the 'Great Pumpkin' appeared in the pumpkin patch of R.W. Daniels of Texas. Again, if you don't believe me, look in the record, I say! But in 2016, he appeared in the pumpkin patch of Freeman in New Jersey. Still, look in the record if you think I'm lying! How about it? Look in the record and you'll see I'm telling the truth!"

Then Peppermint Patty asked Marcie, "Psst, Marcie… Who's that guy entering?"

"That's a scientist, sir!"

The scientist began, "Mwa-mwaa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwaa…"

Linus asked hopefully, "You've got 'Great Pumpkin' data?"

"Mwa! Mwa-mwa-mwaa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa, mwa-mwa-mwa-mwaa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwaa-mwa-mwa," the scientist told Linus.

"WHAT?" Linus asked, shocked.

The scientist concluded, "Mwa!"

Linus said, really freaked out, "You mean there's NO 'GREAT PUMPKIN?!'" He was now sweating and shivering. "But… how do you explain his appearance this Halloween night?" Snoopy was innocently standing next to Linus, whistling.

Linus jumped up and angrily yelled, " _YOU_ DID IT! My own attorney, the cause of this trial!"

Later, the judge asked the jury, "Mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwaa?"

Violet told the crowd, "Ssh! They're gonna say the verdict." 

A jury member said, "Mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwaa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa." Woodstock, standing nearby, gave a thumbs-down, signaling that Linus was guilty.

The judge banged his gavel, and made his sentence. "Mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwa-mwaaa mwa mwa-mwa!"

"30 days in prison?!" Linus was shocked. "NO!"

"YES!" Lucy pulled a triumphant fist pump.

"YAAAAY!" Sally did a victory dance of some sort.

"Oh no…" Charlie Brown couldn't believe what just happened.

Snoopy frowned and thought, " _DARN IT! This happens to me every time._ "

…

Shortly afterward, Linus was in a cell at Sing-Song Prison. He cried out, "Oh 'Great Pumpkin', you've let me down again! I'LL NEVER BELIEVE IN YOU AGAIN! NEVER!" He sat down on his cot for a bit, looking depressed. But then he jerked up and said in a panicked voice, "Don't listen to me! I don't know what I'm saying!"

END


End file.
